I've been neglecting xanga... haven't been writing here in a long time.... I guess its about time.

So I've been thinking a lot lately... not only since the summer's winding down... but ever since summer even started.  Things have been absolutely crazy.  I've lost friendships, made new friendships, grown in friendships, and have had friendships tested.  I've seen only a couple of my school friends since graduation... and now everyone's off to college.  I also haven't been to church in God knows how long.  I miss them, but its my fault.  I must say I kinda regret all that..  However I've grown sooo much closer to a certain group of people who have helped me get through the summer.  I've made some new friends... mostly from GT.  Friendships have definitely been tested, especially one.  Theres been lots of lonely days, and lots of nights of crying.  And then there were the days where everything was okay for a change.  Over the past month, I've come to realize that NOTHING is gonna be the same anymore.  I move into my dorm next week, I start my first day of college the following Monday.  Change is inevitable.  Losing people is inevitable.  It really makes me wish I was a kid again... the days where everything was carefree and boys had cooties.  Life was so much easier back then.  Yeah, call me emo, but I can't help feeling that way.... nor can I really explain how I'm feeling.  I'm soooooooo excited about moving out (finally some freedom for a change) and starting a new life, but I can't say that I'm not also freaking scared as hell either.  I guess I've just been REALLLLY nostalgic lately.  Random memories of the past year and even the past 5-6 years have just been randomly popping up when someone mentions something or I see a picture.  On a random note, I've also grown obsessed to watching LOST (best show ever, after One Tree Hill). 

I miss you.  It's been more than a month since I've really been able to talk to you.  And now I can, but I don't know what to say.  You've started your new life, and I'm about to start mine.  I think one of the worst feelings ever is uncertainty... not knowing what to expect or do.  And I don't even think you care. 

What do you do when you really love someone but theyre more than a thousand miles away and you can't do anything about it....?  And what's it called when you're not exactly taken but not exactly single either?  And what do you do when you have people who basically worship the ground you walk on, but you don't want any of them... just one person... who isnt one of them?   AH. I can't do relationships anymore. 

I guess I just have to keep up the faith, huh?  I'm becoming hopeless.....*cries*.  Waiting for the day to come where I can be really HAPPY for a change.

Wow, I've had this thing since 7th grade and reading old entries really brings back old memories.  And how stupid and naive I was back in the day.... geez.  I've changed a lot.... and NO, I'm not emo! I PROMISE!

From the words of the oh-so-wonderful Stacey Ferguson, aka Fergie...
It's time to be
A big girl now..
And big girls don't cry!!

On a lighter note, I'm freaking excited about moving in.  And decorating.  Not to mention I have an awesome roommate :)  And I'm glad I'm not majoring in anything engineer-related.  Muahahaha.